Let go and let God

I get passionate about things. I get worked up. Things can really bother me, especially something I believe to be a grave injustice. Maybe this is my greatest quality, maybe its my worst, but I possess it by nature. A homosexual Rutgers University student getting videotaped having sex without his knowledge by his roommate and then later killing himself really bothers me. A coach at Penn State University molesting children for years with reported eyewitness reports, blows me away.

Here is the thing. For 7 of my 9 years in my career I worked with an individual who I always thought was off, weird, annoying, spacey, manipulative, strange - or maybe I was being too hard? I tried to talk myself out of these suspicious thoughts every time he did something right. But more often than not he was doing something wrong. Stupid things, dumb mistakes in the work place. Maybe it was me? But all of my coworkers felt this way about him - all of us. In my day-to-day activities, I work alone. My contact with him in a work-related setting was maybe 10 to 12 times per year. My contact with him in a personal setting was none. But either way, I couldn't stand him, and my instincts always told me he was a creep, even when my head tried to talk me out of it.

I never suspected he was a sexual predator and never had any knowledge of him doing anything inappropriate; however, when it was brought to my attention that he was arrested two years ago for molesting a child in his home, I wasn't exactly shocked, but I was sick to my stomach. He'd just adopted a little girl from China. I had just seen him two weeks prior to his arrest and noticed that he had put on a lot of weight. My mind went through every encounter, every conversation, every time I had ever seen him in the last seven years. For days I could not stop obsessing about it. When I later learned that he had admitted to his pastor he was drugging and raping his 14-year old son, I was numb. I thought it had been the girl. Either way it was horrible. He did the unspeakable to his own son.

This rocked me. I was devastated, angry, pissed, and sad. My only solace in the entire situation is that the pastor immediately drove him to the police station after his confession. He was arrested, charged, tried, and convicted. He currently sits in prison.

Another co-worker of mine, who I respect second only to my mother, has always said to me, "Katie, whatever people do in their life that is bad, it will always come to roost." I remind myself of this all the time, especially in my profession when I know someone is up to something, but I can't prove it or don't feel like I have enough information.

Even with my limited contact with this co-worker, I always knew he was a creep. The amount of contact that the Penn State staff and coaches had with Sandusky and the amount of access Sandusky had to young boys leads me to conclude only one thing: they knew, they all knew. They played judge, jury, and executioner in their own minds. They may have only suspected things, but they never let the police in on their suspicions so the police could do their job. The grand jury investigation also speaks for itself. It's horrifying. The sins of them all finally came to roost.

I saw one of those clever posters today that read: "MISTAKES: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others." I found this very appropriate and fitting.

A wise woman I know posted the other day, “Let go and let God.” To calm my own passion, this too was also fitting.

And an old pal from good ol’ Collins, Iowa said to me last night, "Ignore the world and go spend more time with your kids."

So that is what I'm off to do. I'm going to try and let my passion about this Penn State issue die down. I'm going to let go and let God. And I'm going to ignore the world for a while and play tractors, Power Rangers, basketball, and Star Wars.

But most of all I'm going to pray that my two boys will grow up in a country that will become more just and diligent in protecting its children.